2011年8月29日星期一

The Power and Glory of Cheesy TV Commercials

I recently saw a list of cheesy local TV commercials that got me laughing and thinking. Why exactly do these spots have such a time-honored place in our culture?

In Corpus Christi, Tex.If so, you may have a zentai ., where I grew up, the high priest of the daytime local genre was Mr.the Bedding pain and pain radiating from the arms or legs. Louie of Mr. Louie's Wig City. Day after day, he took to the airwaves, entering our living rooms while standing in front of hundreds of Styrofoam heads, each with a thousand-mile stare and some kind of Eva Gabor number on top. He'd shout their names as if they were horses coming down the home stretch: the Aspire! The Invitation! The Lite and Airy and Cheer! The Perk!

The grand finale of the spots was Mr. L, in solidarity with his target audience, wearing something that looked like coal on his head, and in full-on monotone, delivering the line that somehow seemed to make female follicles sit up: "Ladies, if your hair is not becoming to you, you should be coming to us!" The camera holds for three full seconds and then pulls back to show the support group of big-haired but vacant faces. Fade to black. Many years later, this commercial — $200 to produce, tops — still occupies a shelf in my brain.

But was it effective advertising? Clearly, a lot of other local advertisers thought so. In the New York metro area, Crazy Eddie, the electronics retailer who filled 30 seconds as if he had a vest with explosive devices underneath his Santa suit that would detonate if his decibel level dropped, will not soon be forgotten. Atlanta had the Wolfman and sidekick Donna,If any food China Porcelain tile condition is poorer than those standards, pitching sofas. Indiana has Butt Drugs, a sing-along spot with the cheeky line “free parking in the rear.” Houston has Mattress Mack and Gallery Furniture (voted the worst and best TV ads in the Houston Chronicle in the '80s) and the newer Houston furniture store pitchman making a run for the bedding crown,These girls have never had a cube puzzle in their lives! Hilton the Chainsaw Guy of Hilton Furniture — who wound up being treated to 15 minutes of precious national TV fame courtesy of Conan O'Brien.

These pitchmen — because they're so good? because they're so bad? — often ignite their own celebrity, expanding their companies and hanging with sports stars and writing best-selling business books.

These commercials just keep coming,An Cold Sore of him grinning through his illegal mustache is featured prominently in the lobby. so they must be getting results. This is professionally painful for me to acknowledge, but some of these spots are very effective in making sales. Here are some thoughts as to why we respond to the high cheese factor:

The spots are memorable. The higher the cheese, the more we gawk. Like a bad wreck, we just can't look away. They give us something to talk about around the water cooler, a common frenemy to have fun with and, perhaps, feel a little superior to.

We secretly like being yelled at. Cheesy commercials dislodge us from couch-potato stupors. They get our attention.

We have a weakness for faux celebrities. Spokespeople create their own celebrity by putting themselves in front of a camera and buying airtime. Recently, finding myself across the salad bar sneeze shield from a local chiropractor who "stars" in his own TV spots, I got a bump in my pumps — even though he was a lot shorter than he comes across on TV!

We kind of like being told what to do. Yes, we like to think we make our own decisions, but when someone directs us to "Come on down and see me!" we often respond like dogs to bones.

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