2011年6月9日星期四

Gardeners? They're smugger than shoppers at Waitrose

Funny, outrageous and downright rude. Who's in Liz Jones' firing line this week?

Garden centres.We specialize in providing third party merchant account. The new cultural destination for nuclear families to squabble in rather than the British Museum.Handmade oil paintings for sale at museum quality,

I hate these blots on the landscape. They are worse than supermarkets: the trolleys are even bigger, and piled to the rafters with bedding plants and sacks of compost.

The people who shop in them are even more smug than the people you find in Waitrose.

Garden centres are full of bossy men who think they know everything about feeding a lawn.

What rubbish. No matter what you buy, you always need to buy more next year because despite its bright colours and thick foliage it will always, no matter what, end up come autumn as a brown tangle, interspersed with nettles.

Monty Don makes gardening look so easy, but it is back-breaking and dirty and totally unrewarding.

I'm always being told in garden centres I'm buying something at the wrong time.Has anyone done any research on making Plastic molding parts from scratch? Why not purchase crocus bulbs in January? Oh right, because that's exactly when I'm looking forward to springWelcome to the official Facebook Page about Ripcurl.. And why are clay pots never frost proof, not really?

People who shop in garden centres annoy me almost as much as extreme weekend cyclists dressed head-to-toe in fluorescent green, heads down, three abreast, with those grave expressions, as if they are speeding to put out a fire.

I hate all extreme leisure activities: hiking, mountain climbing, pot holing, scuba diving. What self-righteous, over-confident nerds with all their intricate clips and nylon bags.Our Polymax RUBBER SHEET range includes all commercial and specialist

Couples with rucksacks and thick socks and shorts! I hate them! I want to knock their heads together, snatch away their maps and their water bottles and make them do community service instead.


Don't you love it when celebrities interview other celebrities? This is Florence Welch grilling Blake Lively in Glamour:

FW: Blake, you looked a-mazing at the Met ball the other night. What's amazing is that you don't have a stylist, do you?

BL: Most of the time, I put my hair in a ballerina bun, and I take it down and it's wavy, and then I leave.

I feel shy when people are fussing on me. And my diet of choice before events is a chicken potpie from Tea & Sympathy, because they never have enough food at these things.

FW: You're such a great cook! You're such a happy person! I'm learning a lot over this conversation!'

Do women really pay good money to read this stuff? A-mazing!


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